If there’s an epidural epidemic on this Dodgers roster, as an entire starting rotation is now on the DL leading to some minor-leaguer getting called up to fill a spot before getting released, the future ain’t looking all that “Blue Heaven on Earth” stuff that a former manager once preached and everyone bought.Southern California might be able to surf through a 2.2-magnitude earthquake that goes from now until past the All-Star break than get shaken up by the vision of seeing No. 22 leaning on the dugout railing, wondering when he can next volunteer to pinch run.What’s the Dodgers’ best-case backup plan? They’ll get back to you on that.The most realistic shot of them even sniffing the playoffs at this point is — take a wild guess — chase a wild-card spot. But then, who would be the one person to become the starting pitcher in that one-or-go-home effort?God speed to you, Bud. Now to find out if playing ping-pong counts as a rehab assignment for Kershaw. • When their latest Old-Timers’ Game unfolds Saturday afternoon prior to the regularly scheduled outing against the Rockies, would Andrew Friedman send a few scouts out to watch what kind of effective numbers are being put up by participants like Orel Hershiser (age 57), Fernando Valenzuela (55) and Kevin Gross (55)?• Feel any better that the Dodgers are second in the latest ESPN poll of something called the “future power rankings”?• What if the forward-looking NBA decided it wasn’t such a grand idea to raise the salary cap, thus causing sports-talkers everywhere to marinate in the insanity of someone who spells his name Timofey Mozgov suddenly becoming worthy of a $64-million contract from the Lakers, even if he doesn’t last the next four years giving what they only hope to be “quality minutes”? And now the easy comparison: Do you devalue DeMar DeRozan (five years, $139 million) because he’s not as valuable to his team as Andrew Luck (six years, $140 million) is with the entire NFL (and lucky for him that $87 million of that is guaranteed)? And nothing could be done for the fans to maybe lower some ticket prices in the process?• The Lakers lock in Mozgov and bypass Bismack Biyombo. Or were we just talking about two high-priced items Jack Nicholson can order on the drink menu at the Chairman’s Room at Staples Center?• To be clear: The Sparks are off to a 15-1 WNBA start, attributed in large part to Candace Parker’s availability from the start of the season, and the U.S. Olympic women’s basketball team continues to have no need for Parker, a leader of the 2008 and 2012 gold-medal winning roster? Think Parker has any extra motivation this season, along with the emotional surge she has now from the passing of college coach Pat Summitt?• The Kings once traded Martin Jones to Boston in a deal for Milan Lucic. Jones then got sent to San Jose to help knock the Kings out of the recent playoffs. And now Lucic goes to division rival Edmonton for the next seven years. A face wash?• What happens if every U.S. golfer invited to go to Rio to compete in the Olympics declines? Or is Bubba Watson the only member who has any experience in swatting away poisonous mosquitos or dealing with floating corpses?• Where is Coastal Carolina, what is a Chanticleer, and how did these guys win the NCAA College World Series instead of (fill in the blank with any one of the 300-odd other schools that field Division I baseball)?The next thing this team (and school) does is jump from the Big South Conference to the Sun Belt Conference. Why not take a shot at the ACC instead?• What’s the first line of Johnny Manziel’s obituary going to say? Newsroom GuidelinesNews TipsContact UsReport an Error In all honestly, who could have foreseen Clayton Kershaw trying to come back from back problems at this point in his career?The MRI probably shows the same thing that’s been plaguing Adrian Gonzalez for some time now. When you’re trying to hoist a franchise onto your shoulders, even Justin Turner knows you gotta use more of your knees. Do the surgery in the offseason.The Dodgers’ “greatest fears have been realized,” as broadcasters on the SportsNet LA have been lamenting over the past 48 hours, as if they were begging for pledges on a telethon so “we” can afford someone with more pizzazz than the guy named Bud Light who started Friday night’s game in Kershaw’s medical absence.